


I'd trade all my tomorrows for just one yesterday

by kopperblaze



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Fili is a seer, Gen, a somewhat hopeful ending, foreshadowing of canon character death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-20
Updated: 2013-10-20
Packaged: 2017-12-29 23:56:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,325
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1011589
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kopperblaze/pseuds/kopperblaze
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Every now and then the line of Durin brings forth a seer. They are not famous for it, not like the sons of Groín or the daughters of Hilvála, but legend has it that Durin the Deathless himself passed on the gift of sight to his offspring. However, over the centuries the Durin seers became myths, their families guarding them closely and keeping their skills secret, for it is said that in their line the power of foresight is not a blessing, but a curse"</p><p>The one where Fili is a seer.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'd trade all my tomorrows for just one yesterday

**Author's Note:**

> The lyrics that inspired this whole thing are from Dave Hause's "We could be Kings". Title from Fall Out Boy.
> 
> If you wanna follow me on Tumblr: http://kopperblaze.tumblr.com :)

_To be told we could be kings,  
when we were damned from the start _

Every now and then the line of Durin brings forth a seer. They are not famous for it, not like the sons of Groín or the daughters of Hilvála, but legend has it that Durin the Deathless himself passed on the gift of sight to his offspring. However, over the centuries the Durin seers became myths, their families guarding them closely and keeping their skills secret, for it is said that in their line the power of foresight is not a blessing, but a curse. 

The birth of Fili, son of Vili, was celebrated for a week in the settlement of Ered Luin. Few babes had been born since the dragon came, and to have the Princess under the Mountain deliver a golden-haired son was seen as an omen of good fortune. The line of Durin now had an heir for a throne that Thorin Oakenshield was going to reclaim in due time. 

Most families struggled with producing even a single heir, so when the princess was heavy with child again barely ten years later, the dwarves of Ered Luin celebrated what they thought to be a sign from Mahal himself. 

In retrospect the death of Vili in a mining accident, mere weeks before his second son was born, was the omen that should not have been ignored. 

~

Fili had spent the entire day with Mister Dwalin, which was great because Fili really likes Mister Dwalin. He never treats Fili like a child, and he talks about Grasper and Keeper for hours, telling Fili about the battles they’ve seen. He even let Fili touch them! 

Yes, spending the day with Mister Dwalin had been exciting. But now it’s getting dark outside and Fili’s tired; he wants his mama, who’ll help him bath and braid his hair for the night and tell him bedtime stories. Rubbing his eyes and stifling a yawn Fili curls up a little more in the huge chair in Mister Dwalin’s living room. He doesn’t want to outright ask when he can go home for fear of Mister Dwalin thinking he didn’t have a good time. 

“’s important that ye keep yer weapons clean and polished. Says a lot about a dwarf, ‘ow his weapons look.” 

Fili nods, entranced by Mister Dwalin’s hands moving the whetstone methodically over Grasper’s blade. Or is it Keeper? Fili can’t tell. His eyelids begin to feel heavier and heavier as he follows the movement, back and forth, back and forth. Fili’s barely closed his eyes for a few seconds when a loud knock on the door jerks him awake. He’s up and out of his chair the second the door opens and reveals his uncle Thorin. 

“Uncle!” Fili crashes into his uncle and hugs his leg tightly before raising his arms. He’s never been away from his family for so long, and even though he’d never admit it, it’s been a little bit scary. 

“Did you behave for Mister Dwalin?” Uncle Thorin asks as he picks him up. Fili snuggles into his uncle’s coat and grabs one of his braids, a habit he’s not yet outgrown. 

“Yes,” he nods before hiding his face in the crook of his uncle’s neck. He smells like metal and wood and the spices mama likes to use; he smells like home. 

“Aye, been a right lil’ trooper tha’ one.” 

Fili lifts his head to grin at Mister Dwalin, who smiles back. 

“Uncle, can I stay with Mister Dwalin again tomorrow?” Fili asks, tugging on his uncle’s braid. 

“We’ll see about that.” When his uncle speaks his chest rumbles. Fili giggles and snuggles closer. 

“‘ow’s Dis then?” 

“Good. Tired.” 

Of course mama’s tired. It’s bedtime already! Fili’s about to point that out with all the importance of a ten year old, when his uncle looks at him again and smiles. 

“Fili, how about we go meet your new brother?” 

Fili’s eyes widen and his grip tightens around Thorin’s braid. 

“I have a brother?” Mama had been saying that her belly was getting big because he was going to have a sibling, but she’d never said when that sibling was going to arrive. Only that Fili would be a big brother, which was a very important role. 

“Yes. His name’s Kili. Should we go see him?” 

Fili purses his lips before he nods. Better get this meeting business out of the way. 

~

“He’s tiny!” 

Dis and Thorin wince at Fili’s shrill voice. 

“Baby, you need to be a little more quiet. Your brother’s ears are very sensitive,” Dis explains, shifting Kili in her arms. He gurgles up happily at her, unimpressed by his brother’s loud exclamation. 

“Like the ears of an elf?” Fili asks, scrunching up his nose. “Does he have elf ears?” 

Thorin makes a chocking noise and Dis raises an eyebrow at him before she smiles at Fili. 

“No, not like that. But babies aren’t used to much noise yet and it’ll scare him if you scream like that.” 

“Oh.” Fili visibly deflates and shuffles his legs. 

“Would you like to hold him?” Dis has to stifle her laughter when Fili looks scared for a second before puffing his chest out and taking a step forward. 

“Yes.” 

“Come on up here then.” 

Fili scrambles onto the bed and plops down beside her, promptly snuggling into her side. Dis wraps her free arm around her firstborn and pulls him close. 

“He’s all wrinkly,” Fili says, peering suspiciously down at Kili. 

“All newborns are. You looked like that when you were born.”

“Did not!” Fili’s cheeks puff out as he looks at her, affronted. 

“Yes you did, baby.” 

“Nu-uh,” Fili shakes his head. “My hair’s blond. Not brown.” 

“Oh you’re right. How silly of me,” Dis agrees, sharing a smile with Thorin, who’s sat down in the chair by the bed. 

“Can I hold him now?” He asks, nearly climbing into Dis’ lap. 

“Yes, but you have to be careful. Sit down properly.” 

Fili nods and sits down beside her on the bed, holding his arms out eagerly. Dis shifts Kili into his arms, showing Fili how to support the newborn’s head. Normally he’s full of restless energy, kicking and squirming even in sleep, but the second Kili is placed in his arms Fili goes still, like the world has come to a halt around him. 

“Hello Kili,” he whispers. Kili’s eyes blink open, like he senses his brother’s presence. Fili gasps and his entire body tenses. 

“Fili?” Dis asks, rubbing Fili’s back. He sits, stiff like a tree, gazing down at Kili. 

The chair scrapes across the floor as Thorin leans forward. 

“Fili?” 

The moment breaks a few seconds later when Fili exhales shakily and blinks like he’s woken up from a trance. It’s then that Dis understands. 

“Fili, what did you see?” 

“A. . . a large room,” Fili whispers, still not taking his eyes off of Kili. “There was a throne.” 

Dis exchanges a look with Thorin, her heart beating painfully in her chest. Does she dare hope? 

“Anything else?” 

“There was a king. With a golden crown and dark hair,” Fili recounts thoughtfully. In his arms Kili yawns and closes his eyes again. Dis pulls her boys closer as tears of joy roll down her cheeks. She smiles at her brother, the blacksmith who’ll be king again. 

~

After that Fili’s visions come far and few between, despite Dis’ encouragement. None are as grand as the first one either; these days they’re more along the lines of “Kili’s going to break his leg tomorrow stealing apples from Farmer Rouse’s tree”, which is useful, but not quite what Dis and Thorin are hoping for. 

As the years pass even that first vision fades from memory, the hardships of life chipping away at the hope in Dis’ heart. It’s difficult to keep believing when there’s never a coin to spare, and there’s not much room for thinking about visions when Dis has to come up with ways to stretch the meagre contents of the pantry to feed her family. 

The dwarves of Ered Luin begin to forget as well. Many move away, dispirited when things don’t change for the better as quickly as they thought it would. The race of dwarves is sturdy and stubborn, but not patient. Why wait around for something that isn’t very likely to happen when there’s work to be had in the mines of the Iron Hills? 

And so it happens that the first vision of Fili, son of Vili, is forgotten for many years. It’s not until Gloin, son of Groín, reads the portents that Dis remembers what her son envisioned over sixty years ago, and hope returns to her heart. She sends her sons off with a hug and a smile. The next time she sees them will be under the mountain, surrounded by the stones of her childhood. 

~ 

It starts with pains and aches Fili blames on travelling. He’s never been on the road for so long, his body protesting the lack of a homely comfort is to be expected. So he doesn’t think much of it when his sides hurt and his limbs feel heavy; doesn’t pause to wonder at the fact that his body takes so long to adjust, or that his ankle feels sprained even when he spent the entire day on the back of a pony. The quest keeps Fili busy, too busy to pay any attention to minor aches and strains. 

“Let me at least comb it!” 

Kili crosses his arms in front of his chest and tries to stare Fili down. 

Fili quirks an eyebrow and stares right back. Predictably it’s Kili who breaks eye contact first and huffs. 

“Fine. Though I really don’t think that’s necessary.” He plops down on the ground in front of the log Fili’s sitting on. 

“Kili, there are _leaves_ stuck in your hair,” Fili points out, combing fingers through his brother’s hair to get the worst of the tangles out. “I’ve given up on you ever wearing braids, but you could at least try to look more like a prince and less like a wildling.” Apparently their mother’s voice has just travelled all over middle-earth and flown out of his mouth. 

“I’ll spend more than enough time being a prince once we’ve got Erebor back, but I’ve precious little time left as a wildling. I gotta make the most of it!”

“Your logic is flawless, as always,” Fili chuckles and starts combing Kili’s hair, ignoring the disgruntled noises he makes whenever the comb catches on a tangle. It doesn’t take long before Kili  
relaxes, leaning back against Fili’s legs and humming under his breath. 

When he’s able to run the comb smoothly through Kili’s hair, Fili briefly considers putting it into a sleeping braid. Then he remembers that despite the unsettling similarities, he’s not actually their mother, and Kili’s just going to throw a tantrum if he tries. So he puts the comb away and runs his fingers through Kili’s hair one last time. 

“Thanks, Fili!” Kili leans back and grins up at Fili. The corners of Fili’s mouth twitch into a smile before he gasps and falls backwards off the log, clutching at his chest. It feels like he’s been hit by something, a sharp pain radiating from right above his heart. Fili rubs his hand over the spot, half expecting his fingers to come away bloody. There’s nothing. He draws a tentative breath and exhales slowly, blinking up at the night sky. Now that’s what he calls weird. 

“Fili?” Kili’s worried face appears above him. “You all right?” 

“Yes . . . Yes, I’m fine,” Fili mumbles and sits up, still rubbing a hand over his chest. The fiery burn has lessened into a dull ache. 

His brother looks down at him with arms crossed, tapping one foot. “Fili. . .”

“Yes?” Fili asks, stilling the hand on his chest. 

“Did you have a drink without me?” 

Fili rolls his eyes. Seriously? “Where would I get ale from? In case you haven’t noticed, we’re in the middle of nowhere. Besides, it’d take more than one drink for me to fall over. You’re the one who can’t hold his drink, in case you’ve forgotten.” 

Kili huffs but holds out his hand, helping Fili up. “What happened then?” 

It’s a question Fili can’t answer. What happened indeed? It felt like what he imagines getting shot with an arrow feels like, but there’s no wound on his chest. Maybe it was just a muscle spasm? 

“Nothing happened. I saw your ugly face and it scared me.” 

Kili punches his shoulder and laughs. “Your mug’s been giving me nightmares for years, but you don’t hear me complaining, do you?” 

“Fili, Kili, what’s taking you so long?” Thorin calls from his spot by the fire where Bombur’s already handing out plates of food. 

“Coming!” Kili yells before he jogs over, looking back at Fili and grinning. Fili smiles and follows at a more sedate pace, trying not to over-think what just happened. 

~

The clashing of metal rings in the air, increasing in noise and reverberating painfully in Fili’s ears. His heart’s hammering in his chest and around him people are fighting and screaming and dying. 

“Kili!” Fili looks around in a wild panic, trying to locate his brother. He’s standing only a few feet away, sword in hand and face grim. Behind them Thorin is shouting out orders. 

It’s chaos and Fili doesn’t have a clue what he’s doing. All he knows is that he needs to protect his brother and his uncle - no, his king. Tightening his grip on his swords Fili launches forward with a battle cry, body moving on autopilot as muscle memory makes him slash and stab and defend. 

There’s a whizzing sound and the next breath Fili draws hurts, a stinging pain in his lungs. Looking down he sees an arrow embedded in his chest. 

~  
Fili jolts awake and sits up, his hand going to his chest. There’s nothing there. 

He sits for a few minutes and focuses on breathing, in and out, in and out, until his heart isn’t trying to break free of his chest anymore. 

Around him everything is quiet, safe for the occasional snores of his companions. Next to him Kili sighs in his sleep. Everything is normal. Everything is fine. 

Fili forces himself to lie down again and closes his eyes. It was just a stupid dream. 

~

Nothing happens for the next few days and Fili’s back to sleeping like a log. He decides that the entire thing must’ve been a manifestation of stress, nothing more. 

~

“We’ll take the eastern route and from there. . . Fili, are you all right?” 

“Hm?” Fili looks up to find his uncle, Balin, Dwalin and Gloin looking at him with various degrees of worry in their eyes. 

“What?” He asks. “Yes of course, why wouldn’t I be? I was just thinking.” And pretending that he has any idea of strategy, when he really, really doesn’t. 

“You’ve been scratching your neck for the past ten minutes,” Thorin points out, and when he raises his eyebrows Fili immediately feels like a dwarfling who’s being scolded. 

“Have I?” He mumbles, barely stopping himself from raising his hand and rubbing his neck. 

“Aye. Something bit ye?” Dwalin asks. 

“Yes. . . yes, probably,” Fili agrees, shifting uncomfortably under all the attention. “Sorry, I’ll stop. It’s better now. You were talking about taking the eastern route?” 

Thorin stares at him for a few seconds longer before he thankfully takes up where he left off. Fili exhales slowly and clenches his hands into fists to keep from reaching up again. The left side of his neck is itching and it’s driving him insane. Luckily Thorin finishes counsel soon and Fili is left to wander away and scratch in peace. 

By the time they make camp for the night Fili’s neck _hurts_ , a white-hot, pulsing pain that makes it hard to swallow. He’s ashamed to admit that he’d very much like to curl up, cry and demand his mother make it all better. _That’s how much it hurts._

He retires early that evening, mumbling an excuse about being tired and forcing himself to laugh when his companions rib him about not being able to keep up with the old ones. 

As soon as his back is turned to the company the smile falls and Fili grimaces in pain. He chucks off his boots without care and drops his coat to join them on the ground, curling up inside his sleeping bag and squeezing his eyes shut. His neck is throbbing with every beat of his heart. It also feels wet, but when he reaches up his fingers come in contact with nothing but skin that doesn’t even feel hot to the touch. If it were an infection plaguing him the skin would be hot, wouldn’t it? With a groan Fili fists a hand in his hair and curls up more. If it isn’t better by morning he’ll have no choice but to ask Oin to have a look at it. 

Despite the pain he falls asleep quickly. 

~

Fili’s mouth opens but no sounds come forth; he’s only screaming in his head. The world tilts and spins and he forcefully collides with the ground. When he tries to draw a breath he splutters and something hot and sticky comes out of his mouth. 

Around him the battle is still raging, but Fili’s in the eye of the hurricane. Everything is muffled, drowned out by the rushing of blood in his ears. His head is bent at an unnatural angle. There’s an arrow in his chest and by the feel of it that thrice-damned orc almost cut his head off. Fili wishes he’d succeeded. A proper beheading would’ve been short and painless; instead he is left to suffer as the blood gushes out of him and his lungs won’t draw air in. 

Fili tries to move, but his body won’t obey his commands. His eyes flit around nervously, trying to locate Kili, but all he can see is the blue sky. He’s incapable of turning his head. 

“FILI!” 

A scream breaks through the silence and the sounds of the battle come crashing down on him again. Fili gasps. 

“Fili!” 

There’s a thump next to him and then Kili’s face comes into view. There’s blood on his cheeks, but he seems unharmed. His hair is wild. 

“Fili.” Kili reaches out a shaking hand and places it on Fili’s cheek. 

Fili wants to say something, wants to tell Kili not to cry, but again his voice fails him. 

“Hold on. Hold on, I’ll get a healer. You’ll be all right. Just hold on. Fili. Fili, you’ll be fine.” Kili’s frantic and looking around like he’ll be able to pull a healer from thin air. Even if he could, it would be useless; a strange sense of calm settles over Fili as he accepts his fate. Accepts it and remembers a dark-haired king on a throne. 

“Kili,” he mouths his brothers name and grabs his hand. Kili looks back down, openly sobbing. Fili smiles. He doesn’t want his brother’s last memory of him to be a tainted one. 

“Fili. Fili, please.” Kili hunches down over him, his tears dripping onto Fili’s face like rain. He clutches at Fili’s hand and in that moment there are so many things Fili wants to tell Kili. Things that’ll comfort his little brother; things he should’ve told him all along. Because deep down Fili knows, knows with utter surety, that Kili’s going to be fine. 

Fili squeezes Kili’s hand; his brother sobs and leans forward until their foreheads are touching. 

“Fili.” 

Fili smiles and lets the curtain of his brother’s hair shield him from the world. Their last moment should be private. 

“I love you,” Kili whispers. It sounds like ‘don’t go’. Fili squeezes his hand again. 

“You’ll be waiting for me? You and pa?” 

“Yes.” His voice is like sandpaper against his throat.

Kili draws in a stuttering breath. 

“Kili. . .Fight.” 

When Kili pulls back his cheeks are still wet, but he’s a little more composed. 

“For me.” There’s more blood coming up, filling his mouth with a tangy taste. 

Kili finally let’s go of his hand, but only to cradle his head. “For you. Always for you.” 

His body is convulsing and chocking, but in that moment, Fili’s mind is at peace. All that he can say has been said, and everything that remains unspoken he hopes Kili knows.  
The world around him is fading but Fili forces his eyes to stay open for as long as possible, focusing on his brother. Kili doesn’t let go and holds his gaze. His eyes are bright with tears, but the set of his jaw is determined. He’s going to make it. His hair is wild. 

Fili closes his eyes. 

~

Fili flails against the constraints of his sleeping bag. Once he’s freed himself he sits, trembling and close to hyperventilating, staring blindly into the night. He can still taste blood in his mouth, feels thick blood drying on his skin. Scrambling to his feet he runs away from camp and into the forest, mindless of his sock-clad feet tripping over jagged rocks. 

He runs until his knees give out and he lands painfully on the forest floor, heaving until his stomach’s empty. 

_I’m going to die._

_I’m going to die._

_I’m going to DIE._

It keeps repeating over and over and over in his mind, growing louder until Fili’s gasping, pounding his fists against the forest floor. This wasn’t a nightmare; it was a glimpse into the future.  
He’s not going home, he’s marching to his death. He will see his father again, but not his mother. 

Fili’s body buckles and he curls up on the ground, pressing his cheek against the mossy earth and grasping grass as he cries. Cries for all the things he’ll lose. Cries for the little brother he’ll never see in old age and the uncle he’ll never be. Cries for the wife he’ll never marry. He cries until his throat hurts and his skin feels tight, until his body’s got nothing left to give. The shaking calms into tremors end eventually his body stills completely. 

Fili doesn’t know how much time has passed when he finally finds it in himself to sit up. He wipes his hand over his eyes and rubs his cheeks where leaves and grass have stuck to them. 

“Ye done, laddie?” 

Fili’s head snaps up and his mouth falls open. A few feet away Gloin sits on a rock, smoking his pipe and looking for all the world like he’s relaxing after a pleasant meal, not like he’s witnessed the collapse of Fili’s world. 

“I. . . I,” Fili struggles to find words, avoiding Gloin’s eyes. He’s a prince of Erebor, he should’ve more composure than this; having someone witness his breakdown fills Fili with shame and, strangely enough, rage. This moment was _private_. 

“So ye know it then?” Gloin asks. There’s a heaviness in his voice that makes Fili look up at him. His cousin, for all his apparent calm, looks at him with eyes full of understanding and sadness. 

Fili’s mouth works as he tries to find the right words to say, making him feel like a fish out of water. 

“It’s true then?” He finally asks, hoarse. Gloin would know, he comes from a family of seers, but. . . why hasn’t he tried to stop this doomed quest then?

“Aye,” Gloin nods. 

“Why didn’t you-“ 

“T’was not my place,” Gloin interrupts, taking another puff from his pipe. “And you can’t tell anybody.” 

“But-“ 

“I’m sorry, Fili.” Gloin stands up and walks over to where Fili is still on the ground. “I wish it were different, but that’s the way things are.” He holds out his hand and helps Fili to his feet. 

“All you can do is decide what to do with the time that’s left.” 

Fili swallows against the bile rising in his throat and nods. Gloin claps his shoulder. 

“I’m truly sorry, lad.” 

“How. . . how long have you known?” 

Gloin’s silence is answer enough. Fili nods in acknowledgement. He can see it now, the way his cousin always keeps an eye on Kili; with newfound clarity he understands that it’s not because Kili is the youngest. It’s because Kili will sit on the throne. 

~

They walk back to camp in silence, a thousand thoughts running through Fili’s mind, making him dizzy. He doesn’t know what to do. He isn’t allowed to tell, but how can he take another step in the direction of Erebor, knowing that nothing but doom is waiting for him? 

“Try to get some sleep.” Gloin mumbles before walking over to his bedroll, nodding curtly at Oin, who’s on watch and thankfully doesn’t ask them any questions. Fili wonders if he knows too.  
Carefully picking his way over to his bedroll Fili sits down with a heavy sigh. His socks are stained and wet and he pulls them off. His eyes feel sore from crying and he can only hope that by morning they won’t be swollen anymore, otherwise he’ll have to make up a lie about allergies. 

Fili lies down, more out of hope that he’ll stop shivering if he curls up inside his bedding than out of hope for rest. He won’t sleep tonight. Instead he watches the steady rise and fall of Kili’s chest, listens to the little snuffling sounds he makes in his sleep. He listens and lets himself be comforted by the knowledge that Kili will live. If he were given a choice he would choose the same, so there is no point in cursing his fate. Better him than Kili. 

~

Time flies by when you’re trying to reclaim a kingdom. Between fighting Goblins, escaping from Azog and being captured by elves Fili doesn’t have much time to contemplate death. Well, he kind of does, the knowledge hangs over him like a black cloud, but it’s not like he has time to sit down and cry about it. There’re moments when it’ll hit him, leaving a bitter taste in his mouth, but most of the time it gives him drive. There are so many things he has to tell Kili, things to teach him. And if this quest is going to cost him his life than he better does everything he can to make sure that it’s successful, that he won’t give his life in vain. It’s a funny thing, really, how you start contemplating the price of your death. 

In Mirkwood Thranduil’s eyes bore into Fili and Fili realises that he knows what is going to happen. But not even the King of the Woodland Realm can change the course of the future. 

Once they arrive in Laketown Fili finds himself unable to share the happiness of the company. To them it means finally reaching their destination; it means being only one more step away from reclaiming their home. Only Fili and Gloin know the true price of Erebor. 

~

Bofur’s dancing on the table and everyone is clapping and shouting encouragements. Kili’s laughing loudly and without inhibition, the corners of his eyes crinkling and nose scrunching up; even Thorin is smiling, looking more relaxed than he has in months. Fili tries his very best to soak up the moment and commit it to memory for. . . later. 

He doesn’t talk much that night, nursing tankard after tankard and watching, revealing in the happiness of the others. He wishes he would be blind to what’s to come as well. Then again no, no he doesn’t. Knowing gives him a chance to appreciate these moments, to make peace. 

“You’re awfully quiet tonight, brother.” Kili flops down in the bench next to Fili and throws his arm around Fili’s shoulders. “Whazzup?” 

“Nothing,” Fili mumbles and takes another gulp of ale. “Just thinking.” 

“What about?” 

“…life.” Fili cracks up at that himself. What a stupid thing to say. 

“Oh, aren’t you deep tonight,” Kili rolls his eyes and steals the tankard from Fili’s hands, finishing it. “’s no time for such complicated thoughts. Just be happy tonight. You even had any of the food yet? Best meal I’ve had since Bag End!” 

Fili bumps his knee against Kili’s under the table. 

“Remember today, little brother.” 

Kili bumps Fili’s leg back and grins between two mouthfuls of ham. “Sap.” 

Fili smiles so wide it hurts; he fears that if he doesn’t he’ll break apart. 

~

The next morning Fili helps Kili to put on his armour. He’s a bundle of nerves and he wishes that it would all be over already. He longs for peace. He’s tired of waiting. 

“Do you think we’ll succeed?” Kili asks, looking at the mountainside through the window of their room. 

“Yes,” Fili replies without hesitation and combs his brothers hair. 

“How can you be sure?” Kili asks, worrying his bottom lip between his teeth. “I mean. . . there’s a dragon waiting for us.” 

A dragon is the least of their problems. 

“I just know,” Fili replies. He braids Kili’s hair carefully, not giving him the braids of a prince but those of luck and victory. 

“Fine, be all mysterious then,” Kili huffs, squirming in his chair. “Is that necessary?” 

“Hm,” Fili hums and finishes quickly before Kili loses patience. It’s nothing short of a miracle that he’s sat still for so long. 

“Your wildling days have come to an end, little brother.” 

Kili leans back and grins up at him. Fili swallows against the tightness in his throat. 

~

 _I won’t going rip you apart_  
 _And tell you, you could be king_  
 _I don’t wanna break your heart_  
~

Dis, daughter of Thrain, only has one vision in all her life. 

~

Dis feels the most peaceful she has since her boys left home. She’s sitting on the bench Vili built and put in front of their house when Fili had just been born. They’ve spent many a merry hour on that bench, soaking up the sunshine, watching their golden-haired boy run around on chubby feet. Later, when Vili had already gone, Dis would sit on the bench with Fili, telling him stories and answering his questions about the sibling that was growing in her belly. 

Now she’s sitting on the bench again, soaking up the warmth and sunshine. Footsteps approach but Dis doesn’t open her eyes for another moment. On either side of her someone sits down, the smell of metal and wood penetrating her senses. 

“What’re you doing here?” 

“We came to say goodbye.” 

Dis opens her eyes. Thorin smiles at her. He looks younger than she remembers. Freer, somehow, like a great burden has been lifted from him. Thorin wraps his arms around her, putting his chin on top of her head like he so often did when they were children. 

“It’s time for you to go home. Erebor is waiting for your return.” 

“How can it be home without you?” She whispers, twisting her hands in the fabric of his tunic. 

“Kili needs you. The mountain needs you.” 

“But-“ 

Thorin shushes her and strokes her hair before he pulls back. 

“Be brave, sister. This is not the end.” He kisses her cheek and stands up. 

“We’re going home too,” Fili says and smiles his brilliant smile, warmer than the sun. He kisses her other cheek and stands up as well. 

Dis wants to grab them and hinder them from leaving, but she knows it’ll be no use. So she smiles through her tears and looks at them, their hair gleaming and their eyes free of worry. 

“Give my love to father and mother and Frerin. And to Vili.” 

“We will. Give ours to Kili.” 

“And don’t be too sad, mama. We’ll see each other again.” 

Dis nods and watches them fade away. The sunshine caresses her face. 

When she wakes her cheeks are wet but she can still feel the warmth of the sun. Her room smells of metal and wood.


End file.
